How to gym the Smudge way

Smudge Cow | Lifestyle Editor

A guide for the exercise-shy...

Daunted by dumbbells? Stumped by squats? You’re in excellent (and slightly out of breath) company. Your Lifestyle Editor is an expert in flopsing and flumpfing – and proud of it! Such concentrated loafing takes years to perfect...

So, consider this a guide for the horizontally inclined. The ‘every day is a rest day’ crowd. Those who’d rather lounge than lunge. There’s joy to be found in the gym – take it from someone who’s refined the art of using the mirrors to admire her snack selection.

Don’t bother with the fancy contraptions

Think of the exercise bikes and treadmills as decorative – there to be *leant *on, not leapt on. Besides, they don’t seem to work. All that cycling, and Bashful Bunny’s bike hasn’t moved an inch! 

There are plenty of comfortable mats on the floor, and surely lying down counts as one big stretch (especially after a few hefty yawns). 

Understand the power of an early exit

Time is of the essence for a Jelly on the go. One brisk stroll around the room, a star jump here, a sit-up there: all in a day’s work. And then it’s off to the sauna for a well-earned steam-and-snooze.

Top tip: Learn from Amuseables Peanut’s mistakes – he spent *his *gym slot contemplating how to master the barbell without arms...

Embrace the lingo

You may be wondering what a ‘personal best’ is exactly (personally, this Editor always feels her best). Don’t sweat it – with gym jargon, it’s easier to go with the flow.

That said, when Amuseables Sports Kettlebell is leaping in the air to announce Bashful Bunny has achieved one, shower her in praise. Friendship rule #36: always celebrate your pals’ wins, whether you understand them or not – and Bashful looks delighted!

One last thing

When in doubt, remember... The vending machine is technically still gym equipment.